Dear Ms Ellen (or Ms E, if you and I were to be friends later),
I’m gonna put an excerpt from your latest book (refer to the above image for title) in my blog. I hope you or your publisher don’t mind. This is actually for your own good; FREE PROMOTION. I have a lot of readers (maybe 4 or 5 person). I’m sure that by doing this, your book sales in Malaysia will suddenly be up and above. I have been an ardent reader of yours and huge huge fan of your being as well. So please don’t mind me. Just do what you do best and write more books. People need a laugh or two in this world…
Naziah (if you decide to mention me in your show, it’s pronounced like Nadia but with a ‘z’ instead of a ‘d’)
A chapter from Ms Ellen Degeneres’s new book:
How To Be A Supermodel
One: The Look
Always look like you’re angry at the universe for making you too pretty.
Two: The Walk
Trot. Aggressively, like you’re a horse that’s trying to avoid puddles.
Three: The Squint
Squint like someone is bouncing sunlight off their watch and directly into your eyes.
Four: The Pout
Get those lips out there. Purse your lips like you’re trying to sip out of a straw that someone keeps moving away from you.
Five: The Pose
Be mysterious. Always pose with one hand in your pocketas if to say, “I’m so mysterious, this hand in my pocket could be a hook hand. You don’t know.”
Six: The Breeze
Carry a giant oscillating fan with you at all times. No exceptions.
If this doesn’t make you laugh, I don’t kno what will!