A friend…

It was 3.48am and I opened my FB page. I saw a post on someone commenting about home birth and death. I was angry at 3.48am. Angry at the writer who think that whatever decision that she made was better than those who were not mainstream.

At approximately 9pmish Malaysia time on the 28th of December 2014, I received one of the most shocking news of the year. My good friend, Maria Zain passed away in Nottingham after giving birth to her sixth child. It was just something that I couldn’t swallow for a few days. Unbelievable. I cried buckets and kept crying every time I saw the postcards she sent me, or the beads she strung for me. It was just heartbreaking. I kept thinking about her children. She was a hands on mother. She was homeschooling her children. What will happen to their education now? How will her husband deal with six children under the age of nine? With a newborn in tow? How??? And I cried again…

The article I read early this morning was about the mothers who have lost their lives for choosing to do home birth instead of the hospital. I myself prefers to give birth in a hospital with doctors and the medical team around me. But I never think those who choose home birth any lesser. Mothers around the world give birth at home every day. Yes, in this modern days, why choose to ignore the advancement when it could probably save you. Maria and I, we agreed to disagree on a few things. Home birth… Vaccination… But we respect each others decisions. I still love hearing her birthing stories. It was inspiring.

In the article, the writer indicated that mothers who died during home birth could have avoided it. The more I read the article, the more ridiculous it sounds. How could you avoid death? Death is not preventable. There are mothers who died giving birth in the hospital as well. So how can you say those who opted for home birth is responsible for their own demise? Astagfirullahalazim. As a believer, I have faith that every single thing happens for a reason. God will not take your life if it was not your time yet. A friend just lost her father, who died in his sleep. The point is, death is not preventable. When it is time for us to go, by His will, we go. Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun. To God do we belong, and to God do we return.

So whether we choose to give birth in the hospital or at home, it is our preference. Do not judge those who have different opinion and surely, do not think those who opted for home birth are selfish. Those who passed, died doing the thing they loved most. It’s like a soldier, going to a battlefield. They are aware of that they have 50% chance of dying on the field, but they do it anyway.

As for her children, it is sad to think that they will have to grow up without a mother. The newborn didn’t even get to feel his mother’s touch. *Crying again*. However, he will be loved no less than his siblings. His mother sacrificed herself for him. That is the biggest gesture of love anyone could ever receive. Sacrifice. And all of them will have lots of family and friends helping them out. They will not be alone. InsyaAllah, they will be fine. I have no doubt that her husband will do great in raising the children. Instead of pitying them, let’s just pray for their happiness.

So… Yes I know my last post was back in January 2014. I hope that this year I’ll get more time to write again. I dedicate this first post of 2015 to Maria Zain. May her soul be blessed amongst those who are happy in Paradise.


xox: NN

3 thoughts on “A friend…

  1. ZAK KOYA says:

    yes, me too is a good friend of maria, still reeling from shock. and just cannot imagine that she is no more, and i too disagreed with her on many things like home school and home birth, she used to laugh me off. To think that going to UK was the happiest thing for her … met her before she left..Really sad, may she rest in peace.

  2. Diandra Malik says:

    Life moving forward, Keep on praying. May Allah grant hidayah and iman to her husband and her family to manage the children. Think positive ..Insya allah, Allah knows better and He is the best planner ever. it’s time to support her husband and family with what ever ways we can…

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